Archived update from Cigarettes & Coffee, run by Greg Mariotti & CJ Wallis from 1999-2005
Well, it looks like I sparked quite a bit of controversy over Wednesday's update. I had casually mentioned in Monday's update about a false, clever PTA story would be included in Wednesday's update, & I received dozens of emails claiming my Adam Sandler story was a hoax. Let me set the record straight. Hollywood Reporter did report that a PTA/Sandler project was in the works & I confirmed it. This much is true. As I said on Wednesday, things change by the second & until a studio, script, contracts, etc. are signed, this is not a done deal. PTA is truly fond of Adam & wants to work with him, let's hope this can get finalized & become a reality!
Now, where's the funny PTA story that caused all this uproar? I found this "mock" news story while doing a random search one day & thought it was cleverly done. You judge for yourself. The source of the story is BiZcotti.com. The story is below:
It's not too late to enter the PTA DVD Contest! I've been receiving a good number of entries in the past few days ranging from photography, short films, Haiku, artwork, essays, poetry, paper mache & various arts & crafts items. The deadline is Monday, August 28, so please have all entries postmarked by that date. For more details on the contest, click on the link at the top of the page.
I'm skipping the usual Flashback Friday segment as I'm preparing a real special treat for the site to celebrate the release of Magnolia on DVD Tuesday. Trust me, you won't be disappointed.
Philip Michael Thomas claims "Three-Name Racism" against Paul Thomas Anderson
by Otis Cribble
Former "Miami Vice" star Philip Michael Thomas announced that he may sue "Magnolia" director Paul Thomas Anderson, among others, for what the actor terms "blatant discrimination against three-named 'Philip' actors of color."
In a statement released to the media after a largely incoherent press conference inside an abandoned Planet Hollywood, Mr. Thomas contended that portly redhead Philip Seymour Hoffman and crusty, water-eyed Phillip Baker Hall, both Caucasian, have cornered the market on three-named "Philip" casting.
Resplendent in a tattered turquoise jacket with matching linen pants and a pastel T-shirt, Thomas pointed out that Anderson had also employed both actors in his films "Hard Eight" and "Boogie Nights," while neglecting to even call in 1986 Golden Globe nominee Thomas for a reading.
"You do the math," snorted the man who also gave the world the delightful pop LP "Living the Book of My Life." "That's three movies, six parts, eighteen names. And the coldest part is, this Anderson cat is a three-namer too, which rules out that angle. So you know it's gotta be racism."
Officials at the Los Angeles headquarters of TNAG (the Three-Named Actors Guild) were taken off guard by news of Thomas's statement and threatened litigation. Junior vice president Zachary Ty Bryan conferred briefly with legal counsel F. Lee Bailey and three-named-actor-playin'-district-attorney Lara Flynn Boyle before issuing a terse statement: "Although PMT pays his dues and was a key figure in the Credit Shrinking Battle of '89, we cannot support his recent actions, and do not wish them to reflect on the good three names of our members."
Fellow triply-dubbed thesp Hoffman was unavailable for comment because he is in the midst of shooting seven films. And the flinty, multi-monikered Baker Hall claimed this whole thing has nothing to do with him since he spells his name with two l's. "The regular way," he snarled, "not like some goddamn British croquet flamer."
Mr. Thomas claims that his last legitimate chance at work was when he won a small role on a 1996 episode of "Nash Bridges." "It was a coin flip between me and Chong for the part, and I kicked his ass," Thomas recounted happily. But those days are long gone, he said. "There's always been a lot of pressure to just be Philip Thomas. Then the work would be rolling in," he chuckled. "But I'm not going out like that. They don't think a brother's good enough to carry three names? Check this out—Billy Dee Williams. Oh yeah, and Martin Luther King, too."
Anderson's response to Thomas's allegations was typical of the young auteur. Although his reply was a simple "No comment," it took 3 hours and 18 minutes to say, and was lip-synched by five different actors.